Vigilance at the editing stage should eliminate all of these. Without changing these kinds of errors, your writing will remain terrible, clunky and stilted.
Parallel sentences - In fiction writing, a parallel sentence means there is a balance of sentence structure. That means that similar words, phrases, or clauses should be the same in a list within a sentence and the way to join parallel structures is with the use of coordinating conjunctions such as "and" or "or." It probably sounds more complicated than it actually is. The balance is lost when a mixture of gerunds (words with ‘ing’) and verb forms are put together. Take these examples:
He liked to run, to keep fit, and swimming.
He liked swimming and to keep fit.
The sentence has the verb form (to run) combined with a gerund (swimming) and causes an unbalanced sentence structure. The second sentence has the gerund first in the list, followed by the gerund. To maintain the balance, both sentences could be written as follows:
He liked to run, to keep fit, and to swim.
He liked to swim and to keep fit.
John entered the house and couldn’t get the lights to work. He edged his way into the hallway, feeling his way along the wall for the light switch.
This sentence is unbalanced because it has a gerund (feeling) placed incorrectly. This is the most common sentence structure error among new writers. It should be like this:
John entered the house and couldn’t get the lights to work. He edged his way into the hallway and felt his way along the wall for the light switch.
Correct Use of Commas - Sentences often suffer from incorrect use of or misplaced commas. The most common form is a comma splice. This occurs when two independent clauses (sentences on their own) are spliced together with a comma (unless you use a coordinating conjunction such as ‘and’, ‘or’, ‘yet’, ‘but’ etc), otherwise you can use of full stop or semicolon.
The correct way to use a comma is for it to infer a pause, by not doing so could lead to confusion for the reader.
The above sentence uses a misplaced comma to splice both clauses. You can correct them in the following way:
The correct way to use a comma is for it to infer a pause. By not doing so could lead to confusion for the reader. Or you can use a conjunction.
The correct way to use a comma is for it to infer a pause, but by not doing so could lead to confusion for the reader.
Incorrect use of commas, or omitting them, can cause ambiguity, for instance:
When it comes to painting people vary in their abilities. (This sounds as though somebody is painting on someone's skin)
When it comes to painting, people vary in their abilities. (The correct comma placement denotes a pause and the emphasis is clear that people differ in abilities when it comes to painting)
Too Many Conjunctions - Avoid using too many conjunctions within clauses, otherwise the whole sentence structure will end up tripping your reader or confusing. You are also in danger of losing the emphasis of your sentences. The sentence below uses too many conjunctions.
Sentence fragments - Avoid the use of too many sentence fragments. That don’t quite follow on or make sense. Like this. Fragmented.
Sentence fragments can mean your writing is stilted and needs fixing. You should be looking for whole and complete sentences that keep the emphasis of what you want to say, sentences that are clear to your reader.
Passive sentences – avoid using passive sentences wherever possible. Sentences should be active. Passive sentences slow the narrative and cause it to become awkward. Very often writers shift from active to passive within the same sentence without even noticing.
The ball was kicked by John and bounced into the net.
The action of throwing the ball has become passive rather than active. You should write it like this:
John kicked the ball and it bounced into the net.
Hanging participles - avoid these. As mentioned in other posts, these just conjure ambiguity and are a sign of bad writing. You can’t have a character doing two things at once, like this:
Closing the door, she picked up the post from the floor.
It’s better written like this: She closed the door and picked up the post. Not only is the sentence stronger, it is more concise, clear and tells the reader what the character is doing in a chronological manner.
By eliminating these common flaws, you will produce stronger sentences that give your reader clarity and convey the action without being stilted, clunky or awkward.
So, in summary, you should avoid the following when constructing sentences:
• Faulty parallel sentences
• Misplaced or omitted commas
• Too many conjunctions
• Sentence Fragments
• Passive sentences
• Hanging participles
Next week: Said versus dialogue tags.