tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7545724276587519907.post6539610639717980252..comments2024-01-02T03:39:28.812+00:00Comments on All Write - Fiction Advice: Too much use of the word 'was'AllWriteFictionAdvicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03381125356850555606noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7545724276587519907.post-43631951459850190432017-01-18T22:11:13.168+00:002017-01-18T22:11:13.168+00:00As already explained, those examples were used for...As already explained, those examples were used for beginners who have not yet perfected the tight, non-passive construction of sentences.<br /><br />Experienced writers already know that 'was' renders descriptive narrative into telling: i.e., 'John was standing at the bar when Jane walked in', 'Kelly was two when her mother died', and 'the car was heading towards Dave at high speed'.<br /><br />All of those examples are 'telling', not showing. It weakens the narrative, but it's not hard to avoid too much use if you construct BETTER sentences, for example: 'John slouched over the bar as Jane walked in', 'Kelly had just turned two when her mother died', and 'Dave's legs buckled; the car raced towards him at high speed'. It's not hard at all.<br /><br />I merely offer advice to help others improve - I've worked in the print and publishing industry and as far as writing and rejections, I've been there and done it (things were much harder 30 years ago), so I simply advise on the experience I've gained in that time. <br /><br />It's not a heinous crime, by any means (it is still needed for expositional narrative, but not for descriptive narrative. But less use of it makes for better narrative all round.<br /><br />Writers are free to take the advice or they can choose to do their own thing. It's entirely down to them. AllWriteFictionAdvicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03381125356850555606noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7545724276587519907.post-48266027836213077572017-01-14T10:36:26.095+00:002017-01-14T10:36:26.095+00:00It seems a shame that you've used exaggerated ...It seems a shame that you've used exaggerated examples - because I had the same reaction as "Anonymous" above. I've been getting grief from my critique partners about the use of "was"- but very often, the alternative sentences they propose are convoluted and awkward, tying themselves in knots to avoid using "it" or "was". <br /><br />I decided to do some Googling to establish just how much of a heinous crime "was" is, and found this blog post with the same kind of examples. That very nearly confirmed me in my original view, that the fear of "was" was extreme. Now I've read your comment above, maybe I'll rethink that conclusionMarisa Wrighthttp://marisawright.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7545724276587519907.post-18113180723665737372015-09-04T00:53:32.316+01:002015-09-04T00:53:32.316+01:00You do understand the meaning of what an example i...You do understand the meaning of what an example is? These are exaggerated samples, particularly for beginners so they can see word structures and constructions. AllWriteFictionAdvicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03381125356850555606noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7545724276587519907.post-297676249876683922015-08-30T14:25:04.698+01:002015-08-30T14:25:04.698+01:00I felt the same way. I actually felt the "imp...I felt the same way. I actually felt the "improved" sentences tried too hard. While the original sentences contained the dreaded "there was" construction, It could have been removed without adding the groan-inducing "It immediately sparked her curiosity, but then a hint of colour caught her waning attention and she turned to see the bunch of flowers on the chair in the corner."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7545724276587519907.post-56450277012871751152013-08-25T20:19:53.285+01:002013-08-25T20:19:53.285+01:00They don't have to show constantly, just at ke...They don't have to show constantly, just at key points in the narrative. <br /><br />If you would rather tell and not show, then do so, there is no law against it. My advice is there for writers who want to get on that publishing ladder, rather than face life in a slush pile due to crap writing, because editors will not tolerate too much telling. That's just a fact. I've worked in publishing and editors/publishers are notoriously hard to please.<br /><br />As or the example, it was just that. I didn't have to show the preceding text, or why Jane's interest was waning at that point (and it wasn't waning about the note), nor did I show the subsequent narrative. Her curiosity was sparked by the note just being there (she didn't have to read it to be curious!).AllWriteFictionAdvicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03381125356850555606noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7545724276587519907.post-28358893071055263112013-08-20T10:38:00.097+01:002013-08-20T10:38:00.097+01:00I don't agree that writers should always "...I don't agree that writers should always "show" not "tell". Telling has the advantage of being succinct. Wikipedia has a good article on the subject in which this rule is put under some scrutiny. Bear in mind that your improved version of Jane walking into the office is half as long again as the original. That would turn a 75,000 word novel into one of 100,000 words. Also I don't much like her attention waning (about the note) so soon after her curiosity was sparked - why, when she hasn't read the note yet? Anyway, thanks for your useful insights and interesting blog. George Cnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7545724276587519907.post-8523908888022515382013-04-19T20:37:53.280+01:002013-04-19T20:37:53.280+01:00Thanks Steve. And keep at it because the more you...Thanks Steve. And keep at it because the more you write and take on board what you learn, the better you become.AllWriteFictionAdvicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03381125356850555606noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7545724276587519907.post-67889970374936746852013-04-18T06:32:41.494+01:002013-04-18T06:32:41.494+01:00This is... amazing. Thank you. I'm working on ...This is... amazing. Thank you. I'm working on the second draft of my first novel, and this one simple rule has created way more work than I ever would have expected. You explained it perfectly, and it has made a fundamental change to the way I look at my writing. Already I can see a huge difference in sections that before seemed dry and stilted. Fantastic stuff - I'll be following your blog avidly from this point on!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13014270130561798230noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7545724276587519907.post-80407174906291496742013-04-09T08:33:29.088+01:002013-04-09T08:33:29.088+01:00This helped! Thanks! I hope to read more! :)This helped! Thanks! I hope to read more! :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7545724276587519907.post-73410202713028303992013-04-09T08:30:12.832+01:002013-04-09T08:30:12.832+01:00Thats a good one! LOLThats a good one! LOLAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7545724276587519907.post-74885965894853965012012-12-03T16:04:51.231+00:002012-12-03T16:04:51.231+00:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7545724276587519907.post-72831742944671218752012-01-14T19:18:39.367+00:002012-01-14T19:18:39.367+00:00Thank you for your writing tips. I read your piece...Thank you for your writing tips. I read your piece on qualifiers and then when I came to this article, all the qualifiers you have used leapt out at me - how does one know how many are too many?Radsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7545724276587519907.post-42131592670150875162011-12-19T06:47:38.439+00:002011-12-19T06:47:38.439+00:00Another great post... this is very informative! T...Another great post... this is very informative! Thank you!<br /><br />Let me ask you this. I am currently working on my NANO novel... 55,000 plus words, currently. There are just over 400 instances of the word 'was'. Too many? As you state, we can't completely avoid the word, and it does have a legitimate place in our writing. I'm just trying to decide if this is a problem area for me... 400 seems a lot. <br /><br />Four paragraphs contain the word six times. I am thinking I definitely need to pay particular attention to those paragraphs.<br /><br />Thank you again, AJ! I will have to come back and read some of your other posts... time for this girl to turn in... busy day tomorrow.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13430872985988041256noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7545724276587519907.post-83292081739890635142011-11-20T22:10:33.602+00:002011-11-20T22:10:33.602+00:00Excellent article. However, regarding the example ...Excellent article. However, regarding the example of the woman seeing the flowers in her office. You said "They made her smile". Isn't that telling us. Why not simply say she smiled. <br /><br />Regardless, it's weird and overwhelming the amount of rules abiding in today's so called "literary culture". And the line of which ones are correct and which ones are not can drive a writer insane. I say stick with 1. Show don't tell 2. Tighten your writing 3. Minimal character description because if the reader is truly a reader then he or she will have the imaginative brain power to produce a picture of what the character looks like to them.<br /><br />Lastly, writing is an art. Words are the writers best friend. But to write less also indicates a paradox. Strange. I just say follow the basic rules I said and your vision. You should be alright there. It's too easy nowadays to fall in the trap of writing for the lowest common denominator, that somehow forcing the reader to use their brain and imagine is a bad thing, showing signs of a "Lazy Writer". Is giving the reader everything, like food in a tube, so he or she doesn't have to think, really the right direction? Think about this. I apologize for my writing is coming across. I'm in a rush at the moment. But overall nice post.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7545724276587519907.post-33048283465009822222011-03-03T14:06:28.838+00:002011-03-03T14:06:28.838+00:00excessive uses of adjectives can make a story bori...excessive uses of adjectives can make a story boring. in example 1 you overused the adjectives. Sentence could've been written: "Jane walked into her office, spotted a note on her desk. It caught her attention but then she saw the bouquet of flowers on the chair in the corner. She smiled." If I saw a strange note on my desk, it would make me more attentive. Thanks for not being an e prime groupie on this and stating that the verb to be is necessary in writing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7545724276587519907.post-89870778980579220722010-11-27T16:49:23.461+00:002010-11-27T16:49:23.461+00:00That were interesting.That were interesting.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7545724276587519907.post-39519022051996186312010-11-27T16:32:33.650+00:002010-11-27T16:32:33.650+00:00"was"is a yellow-flag word like "th..."was"is a yellow-flag word like "thought' "realised", "saw" and "noticed". They slow down your writingAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com